U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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