I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
