why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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