Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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