Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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