This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
