Jerry, you need to find god
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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