Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
