So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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