Say something about gay babies.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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