I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
