im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
