she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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