I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
