If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
