Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
