3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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