"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
