areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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