i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
