She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
