Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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