just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
