I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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