Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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