it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
