I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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