Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
