Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What a dumb baby whore.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
