who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
