Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Dear god my vagina.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
