My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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