Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
