Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
