I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
