something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
