just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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