tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
