that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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