Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
