is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
