i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
