I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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