My cat gives me a boner
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
