I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
