i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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