We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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