I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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