I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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