operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
