fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
