What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
